Depth Perception

I am shortly beginning the second of three Daoist training periods. This one will be at least six months long, and will have me journeying out to the West Coast to train under my Shifu for a few days. Upon receiving the syllabus and instructions for this part of the training, I was both excited and admittedly intimidated. I felt as though the first level was kind of a ‘see how this feels / Daoism as a casual philosophy or hobby’. This second level is quite a bit more intensive.

It appears to be entirely intentional that this level of learning initiates a lifestyle change. As this path moves deeper into the three Daoist virtues of simplicity/frugality, compassion and humility, I find myself thrilled. This does not, however, completely soothe my anxiety of having to discipline myself more. I want greater discipline, of course, but my weaknesses (especially those tied in to my depression) can make staying on track rather difficult.

In addition, I recognize a need within myself to want others I love to stay close to me. From my priestess-training days, I learned that self-discipline is not always something others feel comfortable around. Though they want the best and healthiest for you… I think some folks find it dulling of one’s congeniality. Also, they can react self-consciously, as though your personal habits of self-discipline were a judgement or standard expected from others. These are things that I consciously know I don’t really have control over; I should not pay them a moment of thought. I am making progress, but I am not there yet!

I am eager to begin wading in, knowing that the depths will likely be life-changing. But these waters should bring me closer to the Dao…