Full Grain Moon 2019

It has been six weeks since I began to studying Daoism under the guidance of my Shifu, a Daoist Priest. I have also started Qigong training with him, as of this full moon (Thursday morning). There is a tremendous amount to learn, and an equal amount to practice. It has become a part of my daily life.

Along this new, first section of the journey, I have already gained some insight into my own patterns and behaviors. I am learning so much about desires, habits, and the mindlessness that makes being present such a struggle.

During one Daoist meditation session, as I was finishing, I remembered the past decade, and my seeker’s journey within many different spiritual groups and religious Orders. I tried to remain open, and keep seeking. I tried time and time again to find my “place”.

This past March, that journey ended unexpectedly when significant issues arose within the community I was walking with. I decided to spend some time discerning what the next, appropriate step would be.

While considering the many options, I returned to trusting in the Dao, and attempting to remain open. As the season moved into Summer, my yearning to get as close to the Dao, and a natural life, only intensified. I started re-reading some favorite books on the topic, and moved on to new authors and perspectives I hadn’t read before.

It was a tremendously inspirational experience. Soon, I was writing and exchanging messages with a couple of these authors. One of them offered Daoist training, and I eagerly dove in.

The question that I heard myself asking during the recent meditation was: How is this different from the journey of over ten years?

The answer came gently and simply, from the heart: Because I am no longer seeking community; I am seeking guidance. I am no longer trying to find where I belong, or where I fit. I belong wherever I am; I belong to myself and to nothing; I am just another drop in the ocean. No more or less. My ‘community’, or cocoon, is made up of a number of wonderful people, most at least a bit of a ways from me, physically.

I am still a hermitess/contemplative. I love living a simpler, quieter life. I love extending hospitality to visitors, and spending time as I can with my loved ones. But silence and solitude continue to be critical for me. For this Full Grain Moon, I appreciate the challenges and gifts of simplifying. And accepting things (including myself) just as they are right now.